By: Michael Beiter

Self-compassion means offering care and kindness to ourselves in difficult situations and recognizing that we aren’t alone, broken, or weird.

Self-compassion involves five main features:

1. We recognize our suffering and struggles. We see them and are honest about them.

2. We understand that everyone suffers sometimes.

3. We feel empathy for ourselves.

4. We can tolerate or “be with” these uncomfortable feelings.

5. We want to help alleviate our struggles and suffering.

Why it matters

It’s all about how we respond to a threat.

When it comes to a stress response, our brains can’t tell the difference between what’s inside and outside us. Assessing a situation as stressful or dangerous will trigger a threat response (regardless of the actual situation).

And…

The same thing goes for how we evaluate or assess ourselves.

Self-criticism and harsh self-judgment prompt the same response as criticism and judgment coming from someone else. While a few people thrive on criticism, most of us respond to it as a threat.

Threats cause our brains and bodies to hunker down, defend, regress to rudimentary behaviors, or maybe even panic. (This is not great for change, growth, creativity, or finding solutions to problems.)

Luckily, the opposite is true, too.

Compassion — whether from ourselves or others — is deeply reassuring.

Compassion calms the brain. It tells us that we are safe and OK, heard and validated, and someone is willing to support us.

We become more creative, flexible, and open to change in the face of compassion.

Source: PN Level 1 Sleep, Stress Management, and Recovery Coaching Certification