By: Michael Beiter

"Yes, there's a difference between the mental model of someone pinning themselves while doing Squatober and you working to be a healthy dad for a long time," I said.

I was responding to a client asking if he was doing things right regarding the mental component of our program. He is just over six months into the most effective fitness and health transformation of his life, and one of his old friends was giving him a hard time.

"My old training partner got back into the gym too. We are so far apart from where we are in our lives and our values in the gym that it won't work. I love the guy, but he's in the middle of squatting every day in October (Squatober) and taking steroids. I'm over here thinking about how to model this stuff for my son and being a healthy senior. The differences are drastic!"

We identified that my client has much longer-term priorities than his friend, who is jumping into extreme fitness and drug practices.

Many of us have old gym relationships. We could have trained with someone for years before life drifted us apart. Or value differences emerged, and what was once a morning walking group now has its members spread into weight rooms, pools, and rec clubs.

Regardless, we use a strategy of self-awareness and practice of exploring your values and identities to help deal with changing workout circumstances.

Since my client and his former training partner last lifted, a lot has happened; my client got married, started a family, and is actively transforming his health. His friend got divorced and is looking to start dating while trying to improve his body and health at the same time.

The value differences between a newly settling dad/husband and a freshly divorced bachelor differ slightly. Steroids and daily squats are instant gratification approaches, and naps and macros are delayed. These two are not enemies; they have different identities and values that contribute to vastly different mental and fitness strategies.

Love everyone who crosses your health journey, but take time when value or identity differences lead to personnel changes.