Best Practice: Using Facts AND Feelings

By: Michael Beiter

I used to have an office attached to a gym that had a sign on the wall which read: "Fuck Your Feelings."

For years, I maintained that feelings didn't offer much regarding fitness or life and that I should say fuck them and power through whatever feelings arose. Such advice is a better fit for a battlefield, not someone trying to stay in shape.

It wasn't until I shifted my perspective to viewing feelings as feedback that my business and life improved. I tried to say fuck my feelings after my father passed away. That didn't work. I tried to say fuck my feelings when my back was tight one morning before lifting. I got hurt.

Now, I view feelings as vital information my body sends me to inform whether I should approach or avoid something. Had I listened to mine and behaved well, I would have grieved deeply and thoroughly and not hurt my back. Silly me, I ignored my feelings and drug out my grief while unable to bend over.

To deny feelings is to deny being human. Emotions are essential to survival and inform us whether to keep doing something or switch behaviors.

A good book that elaborates on these points is 'Good Reasons for Bad Feelings' by Randolph Neese. He deeply dives to explain why our emotions are helpful from an evolutionary context.

The mistake we make when we say 'fuck all feelings' is that we miscategorize all feelings as useless because some of them are misleading. Doing so means we miss out on valuable feedback that can save time, energy, and money.

Feelings haters preach facts as the counter. They mistake objectifying everything and ignoring any emotional, human elements.

I've planted my flag in the 'feelings only' and 'facts only' camps for a while, and both positions miss out on crucial insights the opposing camp provides.

As with so many things, the best place is in the middle, where you can balance facts and feelings to solve problems.

To do it any other way is to ignore being human.